New Big Bother

Firstly No it's not a spelling mistake its a play on words!! Because there has been a lot of bother .... Channel 4 hating Channel 5 on the new Celeb Big Brother... Ok I realise the title of the blog is shit, but the content is AMAZING AS EVER! So basically with less than a week to go there have been a lot of names flung around about who is going to be in the new Celeb Big Brother house, (which if you ain't seen it looks amazing - just google search it). So yes, any-who I thought I would give my expertise opinion and rate the supposed suspects on how famous they actually are. I am taking into consideration three things (very scientific again i can assure you) How famous they are now, How famous they have been in the past & what they are famous for. So lets evaluate from least to most famous the 13 questionable suspects who may pop in the house. (I fucking love a countdown!)

13 - Paddy Doherty - Fame Rating 1/10 - He was on a episode of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding - nuff said.

12 - Sally Bercow - 3/10 - Although Sally has an incredibly famous husband most people won't actually know who it is..... anyone ... no? Go read a fucking newspaper I'm not telling you!

11 - Darryn Lyons - 3/10 - Darryn is some publicist  or something with crazy hair that's big in Australia, you always see him on those tribute shows where he will be talking about someone who IS actually a celebrity.

10 - Jay Camelleri - 4/10 - At first I thought this was my friend Jean Paul with the same surname from Malta, because he is probably as famous as Jay, however Jay has not been in the public eye long on a new programme called 'Dirty Sex Things' not to be confused with the much more successful programme 'Dirty Sexy Money.' The programme is about models (although Jay never gets signed and acts like a 5 year old every episode) and more about how the 8 models involved secretly hate each other - Jay is sure to get gay bashed from Paddy if they both go in as he is a open bisexual! He also looks a bit like a scally twink (look this up in the gay urban dictionary)

9 - Steve Strange - 4/10 - It was acceptable in the 80's!!! Now fuck off Steve I don't want my folks to be watching the same TV because they used to listen to your music - a less successful Boy George and less of a surgery victim than Pete Burns.

8 - Kieran Richardson - 4/10 - No not the football player ... but the crummy Hollyoaks 'actor' if you call it that. He has recently jumped out of Narnia too so perhaps he will get it on with Jay? (doubtful - also I went to Brighton Pride today and have been overloaded by gays so I have become a homophobic homosexual today - If it's anything like Ecstasy the effects will wear off after some sleep).

7 - Sid Owen - 5/10 - RICKAAYYYYYY! RICKAAAAYYYY! (Someone will say it).

6 - Tara Reid - 6/10 - She's been in a few films (mainly teen films or chick flicks), done a few photo shoots in lingerie, quite big in America and bad on the celeb-o-meter.

5 - Bobby Brown - 7/10 - Whitney's hubby, someone will make a reference in the diary room to his strategy to win and his song 'Two Can Play That Game' without a doubt.

4 - Jedward - 7/10 - Never would I think there would be a countdown where Jedward beat Bobby Brown, however these two have become the nations favourite Marmite. They recently did a 'sexy' shoot shown below - I think it was for GQ or Attitude or something!

3 - Amy Childs - 8/10 - I don't watch 'This is the wrong direction .... fuck we're in Essex' however I know who Amy Childs is and she has become a complete household name, she is hilarious and hopefully won't take herself too seriously - a Chantelle Houton kind of figure.

2 - Kerry Katona - 8/10 - Kerry 'druggy' Katona! Wheyyyy! Surely she will be racking up lines on Jedward's arse (yes they have the same arse) - Although Kerry will make things interesting and will surely comment on her friendship with the late Jade Goody - a possible winner (I have now just realised I sooo should of done my predictions of an elimination order - I'm putting it at the end of this post).

1 - Pamela Anderson - 9/10 - Yay Pammy - A woman who has some celeb status... but oh wait it's all over in the US of A...... brilliant, but hey we can watch her run around slow and make jokes about her huge tits and    lips probably made out of foreskins (like Megan Fox's).

Oh and here is my quick predicted elimination order (from first evicted to winner - and this is assuming these are the final housemates) :
Paddy Doherty
Darryn Lyons
Bobby Brown
Tara Reid
Steve Strange
Sally Bercow
Kieran Richardson
Sid Owen
Jedward
Pamela Anderson
Amy Childs
Jay Camelleri
Kerry Katona - Winner

Let me know what you think! (Although you know I'm right).