Oh heyyyy all my number one bitches! (to classify as a number 1 bitch you need to know who Carolina Herrera is - if not please leave) For my newest blog I'm going to talk about..... BLOGS. Yup ideas are wearing thin, so yes in this 21st century I have a few friends that like to blog also, so I am going to give you a quick breakdown of 6 blogs that I keep up with and you should too (if you don't find them interesting you should probably keep up with them mainly because I do too... and what i say goes). To the six lovely blogs I choose I am doing a LOVE/HATE section... so don't hate me for the hate section... or if you do hate me for the hate section... do it in a really sneaky way (like send me you shit in a envelope or something) - LOVE TO ALL SIX BLOGGERS. ALRIGHTY THEN! I'll give you a very brief description of the six and post the links below! And by the way all these bloggers are still active!
Amy J'adore - by Amy Edwards
http://amyjadore.blogspot.com/
Which is of course 'Amy Loves' - Amy's main blogs are on her love for photography with the odd post about fashion and styling tips - What I love about Amy's blog is that it is very specific and doesn't flake away with a hundred different topics... Like mine..... Also I agree with nearly everything the blog states - including the comments on Blake Lively - Some beautiful photography in this blog a bit different from others! TAKE A LOOK NOW. Thanks
Love - The photography - Amy sure does have a talent for good photographs.
Hates - A nail varnish post of Barry M, why do all girls BUM Barry M? Barry reminds me of EastEnders.
Beauty and the Least - by Lily Rose Austin
http://lilyroseaustin.blogspot.com/
From one of my bestest friends and house mate last year (move back now Lily) this is a blog that low and behold like the title suggests is mainly about beauty. Lily starting blogging around the same time as I did (a month ago if that) and is doing it for the same reason I do (boredom and fun). Lily's blog is very original and have some quirky bits in and it shows that Lily is not trying to impress anyone - if I was a girl I'd be taking her fashion tips. Expect some really original nail varnish posts (as through all the shitty nail varnish posts Lily has some of the most original nail ideas I've ever seen)
Love - The witty titles, effortless posts and her attitude
Hates - 'Stay Beautiful'.... Lily WHO ARE YOU - we both know there is a lot of ugly bitches out thurrrr.
C XOXO - by Caroline Elvin
http://cexoxo.blogspot.com/
If you love my blog - then thank this woman (Caroline) because without her mine would not exist... my inspiration for blogging.... and to be honest I didn't have a fucking clue how to use this site before talking to my and old housemate Caz. Caroline's blog focuses again or beauty tips and keeps it personal always relating back to herself or friends with lots of pictures for reference. A little bias but I LOVE Caroline's style and always have done (although she never wears this black jumpsuit she owns which I think is the fucking dogs bollocks). Caroline has been blogging for some time and her posts have matured like an old wine (not Jacobs Creek) and she has a clear voice and sense of style. It's another good light read and a blog to follow.
Love - Caroline does interviews on her blog - AND GOOD ONES TOO
Hates - Her green skinny jeans - purely because she loves them and this will annoy her.
Gem Fatale - by Gemma Royston-Claire
http://gemfatale.blogspot.com/
Gem by no means needs any more hype as I'm pretty sure she is blog royalty. Gem has a avid amidst of followers who even approach her at work and pretty soon she will have to start practising autographs. Gem has a real passion for blogging and it really shows, her blog has a wide variety of topics and a huge number of quality posts ranging from now to when she started in 2007. So no wonder she basically has started her own religion. gems post is definitely one for the fashion conscious and has a good blog sop that is worth taking a look at.
Loves - The posts are to the point and in no way pretentious or done up
Hates - Gem's love of cats - like the crazy woman from The Simpsons....
The Bonny Blueberry - by Nicole Ashley Moore
http://thebonnyblueberry.blogspot.com/
Nicole is another baby cake I used to work with (i forgot to mention I worked with Amy and Gemma both at Topshop back in the day). Nicole's blog takes a diary-ish format - with lots of pictures Nicole blogs about her day to day life, baking and her loves - which from reading her blog I have only just realised she has two posts on crazy golf... which I never saw her doing. I have only recently started following Nicole's blog so haven't read all the posts - but the photography and style of a girl and her family blog is rather fetching and interesting to read.
Loves - The personal level of the blog and lots of photographs
Hates - Again there are cat photos - why do people love cats? bleugh.
Dylans Discreet Diary - by ???
http://dylansdiscreetdiary.blogspot.com/
I'm sorry guys but this is BY FAR my favourite blog, it's original, witty, sexual and funny. I'm not going to say who it's by but it's sooo worth the read. The blogger has a very unique and strong sense of style not similar to mine at all however whoever you are or whatever style you may hold (apart from chav - although debatable chav is not a style but a punishment) you will enjoy this blog. It's a guilty pleasure and makes me chuckle and not for the faint hearted Christian's as the blog states.... the contents of the blog.... well have a look for yourself!!
Loves - The gritty yet witty, blunt crudeness.
Hates - Not a big fan of the green woman background, picture looks distorted a bit.
SO there you have it - six blogs and six very quick reviews and probably now six friends I have lost (don't hate me). You should follow all six of them for the reasons I have stated above! If not - then screw you sir and not a slow comfortable one for that! Chow for now!
I leave you with a video of two girls idolising a Cantaloupe. (the girl in the blue top scares me).
25 August 2011
14 August 2011
New Big Bother
Firstly No it's not a spelling mistake its a play on words!! Because there has been a lot of bother .... Channel 4 hating Channel 5 on the new Celeb Big Brother... Ok I realise the title of the blog is shit, but the content is AMAZING AS EVER! So basically with less than a week to go there have been a lot of names flung around about who is going to be in the new Celeb Big Brother house, (which if you ain't seen it looks amazing - just google search it). So yes, any-who I thought I would give my expertise opinion and rate the supposed suspects on how famous they actually are. I am taking into consideration three things (very scientific again i can assure you) How famous they are now, How famous they have been in the past & what they are famous for. So lets evaluate from least to most famous the 13 questionable suspects who may pop in the house. (I fucking love a countdown!)
13 - Paddy Doherty - Fame Rating 1/10 - He was on a episode of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding - nuff said.
9 - Steve Strange - 4/10 - It was acceptable in the 80's!!! Now fuck off Steve I don't want my folks to be watching the same TV because they used to listen to your music - a less successful Boy George and less of a surgery victim than Pete Burns.
8 - Kieran Richardson - 4/10 - No not the football player ... but the crummy Hollyoaks 'actor' if you call it that. He has recently jumped out of Narnia too so perhaps he will get it on with Jay? (doubtful - also I went to Brighton Pride today and have been overloaded by gays so I have become a homophobic homosexual today - If it's anything like Ecstasy the effects will wear off after some sleep).
7 - Sid Owen - 5/10 - RICKAAYYYYYY! RICKAAAAYYYY! (Someone will say it).
6 - Tara Reid - 6/10 - She's been in a few films (mainly teen films or chick flicks), done a few photo shoots in lingerie, quite big in America and bad on the celeb-o-meter.
5 - Bobby Brown - 7/10 - Whitney's hubby, someone will make a reference in the diary room to his strategy to win and his song 'Two Can Play That Game' without a doubt.
4 - Jedward - 7/10 - Never would I think there would be a countdown where Jedward beat Bobby Brown, however these two have become the nations favourite Marmite. They recently did a 'sexy' shoot shown below - I think it was for GQ or Attitude or something!
3 - Amy Childs - 8/10 - I don't watch 'This is the wrong direction .... fuck we're in Essex' however I know who Amy Childs is and she has become a complete household name, she is hilarious and hopefully won't take herself too seriously - a Chantelle Houton kind of figure.
2 - Kerry Katona - 8/10 - Kerry 'druggy' Katona! Wheyyyy! Surely she will be racking up lines on Jedward's arse (yes they have the same arse) - Although Kerry will make things interesting and will surely comment on her friendship with the late Jade Goody - a possible winner (I have now just realised I sooo should of done my predictions of an elimination order - I'm putting it at the end of this post).
1 - Pamela Anderson - 9/10 - Yay Pammy - A woman who has some celeb status... but oh wait it's all over in the US of A...... brilliant, but hey we can watch her run around slow and make jokes about her huge tits and lips probably made out of foreskins (like Megan Fox's).
Oh and here is my quick predicted elimination order (from first evicted to winner - and this is assuming these are the final housemates) :
Paddy Doherty
Darryn Lyons
Bobby Brown
Tara Reid
Steve Strange
Sally Bercow
Kieran Richardson
Sid Owen
Jedward
Pamela Anderson
Amy Childs
Jay Camelleri
Kerry Katona - Winner
Let me know what you think! (Although you know I'm right).
13 - Paddy Doherty - Fame Rating 1/10 - He was on a episode of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding - nuff said.
12 - Sally Bercow - 3/10 - Although Sally has an incredibly famous husband most people won't actually know who it is..... anyone ... no? Go read a fucking newspaper I'm not telling you!
11 - Darryn Lyons - 3/10 - Darryn is some publicist or something with crazy hair that's big in Australia, you always see him on those tribute shows where he will be talking about someone who IS actually a celebrity.
10 - Jay Camelleri - 4/10 - At first I thought this was my friend Jean Paul with the same surname from Malta, because he is probably as famous as Jay, however Jay has not been in the public eye long on a new programme called 'Dirty Sex Things' not to be confused with the much more successful programme 'Dirty Sexy Money.' The programme is about models (although Jay never gets signed and acts like a 5 year old every episode) and more about how the 8 models involved secretly hate each other - Jay is sure to get gay bashed from Paddy if they both go in as he is a open bisexual! He also looks a bit like a scally twink (look this up in the gay urban dictionary)
8 - Kieran Richardson - 4/10 - No not the football player ... but the crummy Hollyoaks 'actor' if you call it that. He has recently jumped out of Narnia too so perhaps he will get it on with Jay? (doubtful - also I went to Brighton Pride today and have been overloaded by gays so I have become a homophobic homosexual today - If it's anything like Ecstasy the effects will wear off after some sleep).
7 - Sid Owen - 5/10 - RICKAAYYYYYY! RICKAAAAYYYY! (Someone will say it).
6 - Tara Reid - 6/10 - She's been in a few films (mainly teen films or chick flicks), done a few photo shoots in lingerie, quite big in America and bad on the celeb-o-meter.
5 - Bobby Brown - 7/10 - Whitney's hubby, someone will make a reference in the diary room to his strategy to win and his song 'Two Can Play That Game' without a doubt.
4 - Jedward - 7/10 - Never would I think there would be a countdown where Jedward beat Bobby Brown, however these two have become the nations favourite Marmite. They recently did a 'sexy' shoot shown below - I think it was for GQ or Attitude or something!
3 - Amy Childs - 8/10 - I don't watch 'This is the wrong direction .... fuck we're in Essex' however I know who Amy Childs is and she has become a complete household name, she is hilarious and hopefully won't take herself too seriously - a Chantelle Houton kind of figure.
2 - Kerry Katona - 8/10 - Kerry 'druggy' Katona! Wheyyyy! Surely she will be racking up lines on Jedward's arse (yes they have the same arse) - Although Kerry will make things interesting and will surely comment on her friendship with the late Jade Goody - a possible winner (I have now just realised I sooo should of done my predictions of an elimination order - I'm putting it at the end of this post).
1 - Pamela Anderson - 9/10 - Yay Pammy - A woman who has some celeb status... but oh wait it's all over in the US of A...... brilliant, but hey we can watch her run around slow and make jokes about her huge tits and lips probably made out of foreskins (like Megan Fox's).
Oh and here is my quick predicted elimination order (from first evicted to winner - and this is assuming these are the final housemates) :
Paddy Doherty
Darryn Lyons
Bobby Brown
Tara Reid
Steve Strange
Sally Bercow
Kieran Richardson
Sid Owen
Jedward
Pamela Anderson
Amy Childs
Jay Camelleri
Kerry Katona - Winner
Let me know what you think! (Although you know I'm right).
I HATE Little Monsters
Ok So I recently blogged about GaGa's new look and I found this video of her Versace & Louboutin combo from YouTube. I would also like to bring to your attention that now she has done normal she has decided to go to another extreme for the album are of her new single 'You & I' and of course, dress up as a man. HOWEVER the point of this very short and late night blog is to point out how utterly HIDEOUS Gaga's little monsters are, so if you class yourself as a little monster, step the fuck back because here her little monsters are wining bitching fans who literally given the chance would torn off Gaga's hair and shove it on their genitals. Can I have a photo Gaga, can you sign my arm Gaga, can I have another photo, can I have a kiss, can you give me head Gaga, Shut the fuck up little mon-twats. So yes please view below the screaming annoying Little monsters and realise how much Gaga must be lying when she says 'I love you Little Monsters' every time she performs. And also just for the record this video clarifies that Gaga is not epileptic because all the camera flashing would of made her drop dead, like a sack of shit to the floor. So next time you seem Gaga keep your hair weave on, your monster claws & paws away, and give her a smile and say Hi and hopefully knowing that Gaga appreciates this will give you uber satisfaction compared to how aggravated she must get at some of her fans (but if I see Gaga just so y'all know I'm taking some secateurs and cutting one of her fingers off and putting it on a chain so I have her with me forever).
13 August 2011
Lady GaGa - Rah Rah
WASTING NO TIME HERE AND JUMPING STRAIGHT IT - Lady GaGa looks normal, GaGa decided to ditch her meat feast sexy cyber rubber animal nun costume and wear the most demur dress I have seen her EVER wear - Actually it's a Versace dress (I am not sure from what season but it looks V on trend for the Vintage Floral/ Block Colour Trends this season). This look from a woman who once held up a plane as she needed to but her fangs in before she got off....
So GaGa looks sophisticated with her gold accessories, red nails and sharp square sunglasses (which she normally wears with Turquoise Hair or a weave of Multi-Coloured mess) and black clutch almost so you would hardly recognise her. GaGa's hair is all one colour and scream normal, her shoes are SO chic with the red bottoms - a trade mark Christian Louboutin classic effortless style. Lets hope she doesn't offer to wash anyones feet with her hair again, as the simple down blonde do is the best she has had for ages, it actually looks like hair - hair any weavologist would be proud of! As Tyra would say, she looks fierce, and the small slit of the dress does wonders for her pin sized legs. GaGa we salute you for not looks like a sack of shit.
Sometimes GaGa does have some acceptable style, yet I think this is by far the best so far, I have included some of GaGa's least flattering outfits and hair styles but of course this is only my opinion (the best opinion) but please let me know... what's your opinion.....
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| GaGa oozing Class |
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| GaGa less than a month ago performing 'Judas' |
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| Casual Bacon Dress.... |
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| Did you forget your jeans Turquoise slutty GaGa? |
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| Kermit the Frog contradiction - she apparently wore as a witty joke against killing animals (see MEAT dress above). |
Sometimes GaGa does have some acceptable style, yet I think this is by far the best so far, I have included some of GaGa's least flattering outfits and hair styles but of course this is only my opinion (the best opinion) but please let me know... what's your opinion.....
11 August 2011
Don't Even BLOGGER Intro
Oh hiya easy breezy beautiful cover girls and smooth sexy handsome Coverboys (I made the Coverboy one up obviously). So because I can smell sex on legs from a mile away and I have a hawk eye for the best style amidst a crowd of thousands that can rarely be stopped (normally only by conjunctivitis) it only makes sense that I can spot the bad as well. By god there is HELLA LOADS of bad fashion that is waiting for me to stop in its tracks. So my blogs entitled 'Don't Even Blogger' are for you blog viewers and I will thus hand out advice and name and shame each week things for you guys to cautiously avoid. Each week it will be one or more of these beauties listed below:
- 2 items (one for girls & one for boys)
- one person
- one place
- one shop
- one word/ phrase / saying.
So..... lets jump right fucking on it like a tramp on chips (yes I love this saying).
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| A prick on legs, no sorry Mugs |
Guys, Don't Even Blogger wearing- Ugg Boots for Men, or as I like to call them 'Man Uggs' a.k.a MUGGS. Uggs are only just fashionable enough for women to wear, I mean think of any high end high street designer you may own and if any items would ever go with a pair of Uggs. Karen Miller? NO Armani? NO Hollister? NO All Saints? NO Vivienne Westwood? HELL TO THE FUCKING NO Jack Wills? Only if you wanted to be burnt at the stake Primark? YES - oh wait, Primark is shit and to be honest the few beauties you do find in Primark should never be paired with these furry devilish whole things that are supposedly called boots. Ugg Boots honestly, they literally look like dead rabbits turned inside-out, with less blood and less style (rabbits have style).
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| One of Jade's more questionable looks |
Don't Even Blogger Disrespecting - Jade Cole - For all y'all ANTM haters Jade Cole is by far the most prolific and well known ANTM contestant ever, so it was no surprise that she was asked to star in the 17th Cycle Al-Star Addition, now i love a girl who say 'what you see is what you get' & 'don't judge a book by its cover' straight after one another, a girl who has has no clear concept of the English language, a woman who doesn't understand what a question is and a woman who can distinguish between America's Next Top Model & America's next Top Best Friend (not a TV show). However I was sooo disappointed to find out draggalicious Jade wouldn't be returning. Jade should not be named and shamed however respected, because as posted on her twitter her reasons included the 'bogus contract' Ken Mok and the ANTM producers were offering Jade for cycle 17, so unlike the way the show may have been edited we now see Jade had integrity (on some levels) and restraint (on few levels) and will not be returning for cycle 17 =(. I have provided a hilarious tribute of Jade here for you to watch and see what we are missing out on for Cycle 17.
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| The 6th Circle of Hell |
Don't Even Blogger Shopping in - Mountain Warehouse - Lets keep this short and sweet, I thought this was bloody obvious, we all know Mountain Warehouse clothes is like a Drag Queens version of 'Single Ladies' - when I asked one of our girls to flyer (For Jack Wills) the guy opposite at Mountain Warehouse tried to dignity a flirt, my poor Jack Will's employee is so lucky she didn't spontaneously projectile vomit, to be fair, Mountain Warehouse was not the main reason, he was uggers (uggers as in butt ugly not some sorta chavish slang for your most unfashionable friend who constantly wears Ugg boots). You only need to shop her for camping gear, for when you go to hills, farms and woods.. speaking of woods (no this is not the part of the blog with inappropriate x-rated images....)
Don't Even Blogger Saying - Your Neck Of The Woods - Personally I think it makes absolutely NO sense, 'neck' in a woods, if the saying was 'In Your Bottle Neck Place Thing' I think in actual fact there would be more coherence. Also it angers me more so when fat people use this saying, if you are going to say 'my neck of the woods' I think your going to need a neck, 20 chins just doesn't cut it. I just think this saying is for the dim witted, so please when your in my neck of the woods refrain for saying this.
So that conclude this weeks addition. So just Don't Even Blogger with Everything Mentioned! :D Peace y'all, stay safe (a.k.a Away from London, Manchester, Wolverhampton, Kent - everyone is rioting).
10 August 2011
So you wanna be a flop?
As this blog progresses, you'll see one pattern, ANTM a.k.a America's Next Top Model (not to be confused with Afghanistan's Next Top Model). And Tyra Banks decided to switch it up for the 17th cycle (cycle: apparently that's a fierce word for series). Well TyTy was desperately loosing viewers and since The Tyra Show stopped she has no excuse for doing the same thing with slightly weirder girls for the seventeenth time, so why not do a bit of recycling... this time instead of doing it through a economical stretch hummer made out of cans and hair weave Tyra has struck genius. She is recycling the girls!
So yup the biggest bitches and best ugly pretty girls are back, 14 girls from the previous 16 cycles are battling it out for the biggest yet probably the shittest prizes yet : a spread in Vogue Italia, a $100,000 contract with Covergirl, a campaign with some unheard of agency and that's it (so yes Tyra says the biggest prizes - but it seems like the same ones with shitter packaging). So to go with TyTy's shit prizes, and same shit judges (although Nicki Minaj makes one strange guest judge appearance on the basis that she is fashionable for having a new weave or wig every week), and probably shit challenges, shit layout, shit camera angles she will spend the whole budget of the show on a new 'Title Sequence' with the 14 girls, so there is an enjoyable 30 seconds of each hour episode.
But let's cut to the chase, the 14 AMAZING GIRLS.... who with no sarcastic undertone at all have great model potential... so I have decided, again in a very scientific way to rate the 14 girls just as Tyra and the other judges do - not at all on modelling potential but on how 'fierce' they are (as in how liked they will be) and how they can 'smize' (apparently smiling with the eyes, a good way to perfect this is to be infected by the early stages of conjunctivitis).
So starting with Numbero Quatorze and the worst girl of this bi-cycle.
14. Dominique Reighard - Cycle 10 - 4th - I don't know whats more shocking, the fact she has a second chance or the fact she came 4th first time round, she is by far the manliest contestant which is hard to believe as one of her competition was actually a man (Isis King). But she did produce one half decent photo which I have included, after all lets not add insult to injury, she knows shes thicker than Marc Jacobs abs and about as manly as them too. Not only that the photo I have chosen is one that looks semi believable as something a real model might actually have to do when selling jewelery.
So yup the biggest bitches and best ugly pretty girls are back, 14 girls from the previous 16 cycles are battling it out for the biggest yet probably the shittest prizes yet : a spread in Vogue Italia, a $100,000 contract with Covergirl, a campaign with some unheard of agency and that's it (so yes Tyra says the biggest prizes - but it seems like the same ones with shitter packaging). So to go with TyTy's shit prizes, and same shit judges (although Nicki Minaj makes one strange guest judge appearance on the basis that she is fashionable for having a new weave or wig every week), and probably shit challenges, shit layout, shit camera angles she will spend the whole budget of the show on a new 'Title Sequence' with the 14 girls, so there is an enjoyable 30 seconds of each hour episode.
But let's cut to the chase, the 14 AMAZING GIRLS.... who with no sarcastic undertone at all have great model potential... so I have decided, again in a very scientific way to rate the 14 girls just as Tyra and the other judges do - not at all on modelling potential but on how 'fierce' they are (as in how liked they will be) and how they can 'smize' (apparently smiling with the eyes, a good way to perfect this is to be infected by the early stages of conjunctivitis).
So starting with Numbero Quatorze and the worst girl of this bi-cycle.
14. Dominique Reighard - Cycle 10 - 4th - I don't know whats more shocking, the fact she has a second chance or the fact she came 4th first time round, she is by far the manliest contestant which is hard to believe as one of her competition was actually a man (Isis King). But she did produce one half decent photo which I have included, after all lets not add insult to injury, she knows shes thicker than Marc Jacobs abs and about as manly as them too. Not only that the photo I have chosen is one that looks semi believable as something a real model might actually have to do when selling jewelery.
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| Brittany |
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| Dominique |
13. Brittany Brower - Cycle 4 - 4th - At the time of the 4 uni-cycle (2005) Brittany was called the over sex girl who liked shouting out and taking her clothes off alot, her major critique was that she looked like a young Janice Dickinson, sadly 6 years on now she just looks like a an old Janice Dickinson, however she was great fun, and at any given moment will prove to be a huge slut, like the photo provided of her, looks graceful don't it? In fact they girls had to make there own outfit from their surrounding, which for Brittany was an excuse to pleasure herself in mud.
12. Lisa D'Amato - Cycle 5 - 6th - The clown which named some shrubbery 'cousin it' and the girl notoriously named 'alcoholic bitch' by one of the other girls mainly because she was an 'alcoholic bitch.' Her looks are pretty hideous but no doubt Nigel Barker will love 'the planes of her cheek bones' which obviously is the most important factor in becoming a model, she is slightly more famous than the rest though for going on some other reality TV show, however 'Reality Celebrity Rehab' wasn't the best platform for a modelling career. (Also all her pictures were awful so I'm dignifying her with one!)
11. Laura Kirkpatrick - Cycle 13 - 2nd - Laura was one of those random short girls because TyTy thinks 'if Kate Moss can do it other short girls can' in reality there are 2.5 billion women under 5''9 that haven't made it as a super model... so Kate moss is probably an exception. The other thing about Laura? Her sun burn made her look like she had leprosy - MODELISHOUS!
10. Camille McDonald - Cycle 2 - 5th - The girl most likely to be chucked out the house for being a raggedy bitch - expect her to flaunt her Z list fame and look like an idiot nobody.
9. Shannon Stewart - Cycle 1 - 2nd - Before Nigel, Before Smize, Before H2T Posing... there was Shannon, and now... she's fucking old and probably has no chance of winning.... isn't she like 30 and married?
8. Kayla Ferrell - Cycle 15 - 4th - She is a lesbian, so TyTy will keep her in to show that she loves the rug munchers as well as the gays, she does have a lot of potential but cries a lot and calls references to the fact she is a huge lezzer constantly.
7. Bre Scullark - Cycle 5 - 3rd - WHO STOLE MY GRANOLA BARS - Something that will surely be mentioned every episode because she goes fucking mental over her food.
6. Isis King - Cycle 11- 10th - (S)he is the girl who was seen in the background on cycle 10, (S)he has true knowledge of modeling and itsn't a total crack whore, (S)he is will finally be using tit tap on her boobs rather than to tap her cock in place, because thats right, Isis used to be a man (Where the fuck do you find them Tyra!)
5. Alexandria Everett - Cycle 16 - 4th - She likes to pout way to much and will have most fans throwing there low fat yogurt at the t.v. but she is personally a favourite, she has the potential and the editing is probably done to make her look completely insane, the fact she is young means she will hopefully get somewhere!
4. Bianca Golden - Cycle 9 - 4th - She got in fight with the fat girl from Hairspray, this makes her semi famous, She also had to shave her hair all off and is completely 'hood' and 'ghetto' - Lets leave her in for a while as hopefully she will stir things up and come on top as the most bitchiest.
3. Angelea Preston - Cycle 14 - 3rd - She tried out for Cycle 12 and failed, and then she just missed out from the finals of Cycle 14, but lets not forget to mention the more important details including her 'bitch please' look which she constantly gives, she looks a bit like a rat on crack but she obviously wants to be a model and will probably stay in because TyTy loves helping the project (project - that's the ghetto by the way).
2. Allison Harvard - Cycle 12 - 2nd - Allison is the most likely to actually win, she in most fans eyes got the title stolen away from her (from Teyona who looked like a bulimic Grace Jones) . She looks like a bird, enjoys nose bleeds and looks like a porcelain doll, what isn't there to like?
1. Sheena Sakai - Cycle 11 - 5th - Hey Gurllllll! So yes she is Asian but speaks like a black girl from LA, she is easily my favourite as she has had a huge boob job and can only do overly sexy poses, will she win? Hell to the fucking no, but lets hope she stays in for some time as her one liners and awkwardness come across hilarious!!
So there you go, the girls in the All-Star season are mainly the biggest bitch or weirdo from each series, chuck a couple of guys ion there and it will be big brother! Let me know who you want to win, or who has any chance of winning (not that they will get any success from it)! :D
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| Camille |
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| Laura |
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| Shannon |
9. Shannon Stewart - Cycle 1 - 2nd - Before Nigel, Before Smize, Before H2T Posing... there was Shannon, and now... she's fucking old and probably has no chance of winning.... isn't she like 30 and married?
8. Kayla Ferrell - Cycle 15 - 4th - She is a lesbian, so TyTy will keep her in to show that she loves the rug munchers as well as the gays, she does have a lot of potential but cries a lot and calls references to the fact she is a huge lezzer constantly.
7. Bre Scullark - Cycle 5 - 3rd - WHO STOLE MY GRANOLA BARS - Something that will surely be mentioned every episode because she goes fucking mental over her food.
6. Isis King - Cycle 11- 10th - (S)he is the girl who was seen in the background on cycle 10, (S)he has true knowledge of modeling and itsn't a total crack whore, (S)he is will finally be using tit tap on her boobs rather than to tap her cock in place, because thats right, Isis used to be a man (Where the fuck do you find them Tyra!)
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| Bre |
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| Isis |
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| Kayla |
5. Alexandria Everett - Cycle 16 - 4th - She likes to pout way to much and will have most fans throwing there low fat yogurt at the t.v. but she is personally a favourite, she has the potential and the editing is probably done to make her look completely insane, the fact she is young means she will hopefully get somewhere!
4. Bianca Golden - Cycle 9 - 4th - She got in fight with the fat girl from Hairspray, this makes her semi famous, She also had to shave her hair all off and is completely 'hood' and 'ghetto' - Lets leave her in for a while as hopefully she will stir things up and come on top as the most bitchiest.
3. Angelea Preston - Cycle 14 - 3rd - She tried out for Cycle 12 and failed, and then she just missed out from the finals of Cycle 14, but lets not forget to mention the more important details including her 'bitch please' look which she constantly gives, she looks a bit like a rat on crack but she obviously wants to be a model and will probably stay in because TyTy loves helping the project (project - that's the ghetto by the way).
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| Alexandria |
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| Bianca |
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| Angelea |
2. Allison Harvard - Cycle 12 - 2nd - Allison is the most likely to actually win, she in most fans eyes got the title stolen away from her (from Teyona who looked like a bulimic Grace Jones) . She looks like a bird, enjoys nose bleeds and looks like a porcelain doll, what isn't there to like?
1. Sheena Sakai - Cycle 11 - 5th - Hey Gurllllll! So yes she is Asian but speaks like a black girl from LA, she is easily my favourite as she has had a huge boob job and can only do overly sexy poses, will she win? Hell to the fucking no, but lets hope she stays in for some time as her one liners and awkwardness come across hilarious!!
So there you go, the girls in the All-Star season are mainly the biggest bitch or weirdo from each series, chuck a couple of guys ion there and it will be big brother! Let me know who you want to win, or who has any chance of winning (not that they will get any success from it)! :D
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| Allison |
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| Sheena |
8 August 2011
All my hairy ladies, Now raise your brows up!
Armpits, Legs, Tash, Privates and for some of you hairy weirdos Hands, well you can now leave Eyebrows off that list. Brooke Shield's face has gone from a beaut to a mouldy mango with two slugs fighting to get to the core so here is your chance to take her place!
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| Brooke Shield in her prime, look at those brows! |
It's 2011, so seriously let your brows grow wild, with the Bohemian Apocalyptic Woman taking over the fashion world who would even consider that she has time to pluck those brows? (Probably only Katie Price). Summer is drawing to a close so a definite style to be floating around for the next few months is the thick brow, a timeless beauty trick because to be honest pencil thin or tattooed brows have always been a train wreck. A thin brow is only complimented by a McKenzie tracksuit, a thick brow gives the impression of "I could thread, wax and pluck 'em but you and your hairy mono-brow can fuck off if you think I am going to."
A nicely shaped brow doesn't mean a thin one, and there are easy steps to follow to pull off a successful full brow just as many supermodels are currently doing so!
A great example is from Fernanda Tavares, a current face for Dolce & Gabbana, how do you spell Gabbana? (if you don't know what film that is from just get out). Fernanda Tavares has thick brows yet definite shape to her brows, STEP 1 - KEEP THE SHAPE - Tavares shows the importance of keeping ones brow shape, you don't wanna look like you have two Tetris oblongs on your face, so let your brows grow out so that when you next come round to plucking you can keep the same shape yet have more to work with thus making them thicker, see that isn't so hard is it?
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| Notice the Spanish for 'Very Sexy' is 'Very Sexy' |
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| Pay attention to the brow! Not the bra it's hideous. |
STEP THREE - The first time you let your eye brows grow out I would recommend threading (plucking is semi-acceptable if your a poor ho), threading for the first time helps give the brows shape and definition, painful as is apparently is, it also is done from the perspective of a professional and someone who hasn't seen your brows when they looked like really long pubic hairs, therefore the threader can keep them thick and give you tips on how to pluck them effectively.
STEP FOUR - Before you jump outside to show your social circle your new brows like a tramp on chips, make sure you are confident and have followed the 3 completely scientifically accurate steps above! You don't wanna look like Megan Fox after the surgery!
So that's one less thing for you to maintain as obviously you can let them get as hairy as fuck whilst you grow them out! And below I have also included a picture of uber annoying Cycle 3271 (a.k.a 14) America's Next Top Model contestant Raina Hein who has some spectacular big defined eye brows.
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| 100% Hideous - Nicola Roberts |
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| My lips look like they are made out of foreskins, but look at my brows! |
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| If your wondering, no Raina didn't win. |
Enjoy your brows hairy gurl! And who knows maybe next year a full fledged bush will be on the cards as the new fashion craze!
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